my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
