They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am spending my child support on dildos
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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