no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Can Purell be used as lube?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
