he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
