At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
