i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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