You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize