Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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