If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
