the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i would one night stand the shit outta him
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
