we're chasing vodka with high fives
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize