im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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