I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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