You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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