mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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