Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
