Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
