Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
