Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
