I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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