He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
