drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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