I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
