I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
