Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When are your genitals available?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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