Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am naked and annoyed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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