I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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