they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
