So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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