please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
