Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
