1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
