I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
