Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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