Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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