but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the day after is always just damage control
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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