I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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