i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
