Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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