When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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