Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
