so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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