A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
