He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize