Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
