your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
