I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
