I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize