i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
