Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize