Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
