took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
