This girl is more easily done than said...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
