Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
