real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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