From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
