The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
