Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
