nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
