I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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