Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
