Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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