O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
