Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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