I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
