I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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