This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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