Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
