On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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