I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
