I cannot find my penis.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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