Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
