a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
