i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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