New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
