We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm so fucking centered right now
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
