thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
