Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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