i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
