New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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