well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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