I want to stick my p in your. b.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
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