I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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