Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
