So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize