I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
