first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
