I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
