Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
