His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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