you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
