I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
