1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
