so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
