I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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