would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
