I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize