Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
