Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We had sex on a dog bed..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
