stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
