remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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