I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
