my mouth tastes like poor choices
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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