I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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