I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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