i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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