i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
